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Fallen Aristocrat | Summer Horoscopes
08 Aug 2023
Playful and perhaps even a little prophetic, we've created twelve horoscopes to pair with each of our Fallen Aristocrat zodiac charms. The stars whispered secrets of the soul in our ears (or maybe we've just done an adequate amount of internet sleuthing) to bring this lore to you.
As well as a few friendly suggestions.
As fun as it is to climb every mountain and run three marathons back to back, maybe it's time to consider the fact you've girl-bossed too close to the sun. Taking a nap once in a while won’t kill you. Add a lavender eye pillow, and you might even enjoy yourself!
Vintage sings to your soul, but have you ever heard the phrase bull in a China shop? Legally, we can’t be held responsible for any curses attached to the antiques, so step lightly around the Ginger Jars and knock twice when you see wood.
If life is a garden, you are the manic butterfly with commitment issues dying to see if the nectar is sweeter on the other side. And while that’s great for pollination, it might be worth investing in a rose candle for those moments you need to stay still.
You’ve been guarding that nest for so long, you forgot that you have wings. But there’s a Fabio look-alike lounging on a beach in Italy, and your 7th House won’t stop blasting “Love Story” until you go. So dust off those tail feathers, grab a beach blanket and a sunhat, and fly, bird, fly!
Cottagecore or Coastal Grandma—whatever the aesthetic, we all know you COMMIT. But before you toss beaucoup bucks at that crumbling chateau you saw for sale on Instagram, tap into your creative side and see what you can do with a tablecloth and vintage candlesticks.
Even a master puppeteer can get tangled up in the strings. You spend months setting the stage, perfecting lines, and teaching a wooden goat how to yodel—only to realize you lost the plot halfway through. Don’t focus so much on the details that you forget the story you’re telling. Keeping a Notebook helps.
The balance you bring to any room puts Wes Anderson to shame, but having two of everything gets old fast when you’re the only person to share it with. Next time Venus aligns with Mars, send out a handful of love letters, light twin candlesticks, and wait for Prince Charming to arrive.
In another life, we’d probably find you brooding as you wander the moors in search of a lost love—but as it’s the 21st century, an open mic night filled with truly terrible poetry is all we’re likely to get. Just remember some art should stay private, and this is why cute journals exist.
Independence is a virtue until it’s not—especially on a roadtrip with friends. When the group’s ready to call it a night but three margaritas say that table looks perfect for dancing, listen to Patricia, stuff some bar peanuts in your belt bag, and get in the effing car. Unless you want to end up on the wrong side of Tiktok, that is.
Spreadsheets and schedules are your personal idea of hell—which is probably why you went for the liberal arts degree. But hey, take some comfort knowing that when you see those antique French chairs downstairs, you’ll know exactly which King Louis’s derrière once sat on them.
Some people’s paradise is a solitary desert retreat away from everyone they love. You are not some people. Sure, you’d be thrilled to do yoga by moonlight and burn Palo Santo wood until the sunrise—but the thought of being alone that long breaks you out into hives. Enlist a designated travel buddy, and see what adventures unfold.